A Child Who Lives With Criticism, Learns How To Condemn!

Posted by on October 28, 2014 in Rejected, Self Esteem, Shame | Comments Off on A Child Who Lives With Criticism, Learns How To Condemn!

A Child Who Lives With Criticism, Learns How To Condemn!

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"Children believe everything you say to them"

Painful, hurtful and cutting criticisms become the ‘truth’ for children. If you don’t want your children to hate you when they grow up, here are a few examples from teenagers who were constantly criticised by their parents and who no longer have any contact with them. 

Rob; “Both my parents give me the feeling that nothing I do is ever good enough. I am never enough. I don't even have to be doing wrong either, I can be doing well and doing really good and there is just something negative or really mean or really hurtful that they say or do. The silent treatment. Ignoring me. Telling me I am noisy or annoying or bothersome. Telling me I'm messy, disorganised, that I'm not normal, that no one else is like this”.

Steve; “My dad has never believed in me. He constantly thinks I am going to fail or that I will fail - whatever I undertake I am going to fail because I am a failure - that is the implicit message. When I wanted to go back to school, he didn't believe I could do it. He didn't believe it. He's never believed in me.......and if I had ever seen myself the way my parents saw me, I would have killed myself long ago. I used to think I was born to lose but I don't believe that anymore”.

Lisa; “Every time after a fight, I want to hurt myself. I feel worthless. But this time I know I'm not wrong because I have been doing well and because I have been responsible. I have done things right and have been improving and they still criticise me and everything I do is still wrong or flawed”.

Mitch; “I'm sick of being told I can't do this or that. I don't remember much praise growing up - just a lot of yelling, screaming, ignoring, passive punishment, criticism, being told I'm wrong, discouragement, denial, and me always ending up crying after a fight - then I'm told I'm ‘too emotional or oversensitive’". 

Brendan; “I don't really think my parents are that normal anymore even though they imply that I'm the one that's not normal. Something about the way they are, and the way they live is very negative. I feel like a plant that's trying to grow in polluted dirt”.

Criticising your children will not only hurt and humiliate them; they will begin to hate you and themselves. Next time you begin to criticise someone, perhaps you could stop and think, "What's my motivation for sating that"?

If you are critical and your children are suffering, and would like to learn to stop, just go to our Contacts Page and drop us your details to receive a FREE ONE HOUR SKYPE or One-On-One session.

 

©Annie Moyes – 2014 – All rights reserved

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