Liar,Liar, Pants On Fire

As children we all tell lies, although we don’t consciously know that’s what we are doing. Mostly we tell lies to protect ourselves or shift the blame so we don’t get punished. If Mum or Dad ask us a question in ‘that tone of voice’ which to a small child means “I did something wrong” we will think that they are accusing us of something and immediately we go into a defensive or survival mode and start denying it until we are blue in the face, despite all evidence to the contrary.

It doesn’t matter how trivial the offence may be, it could be something as trivial as opening the front door to let the cat in, which in our mind is the right thing to do, but when Mum asks “Did you open the front door and let the cat in?”, something in the look in her eyes or the way she is standing makes us feel frightened so we automatically answer “no”. This is a reflex self-protective response in reply to a situation that has made us feel fearful.

Depending upon the circumstances, on how small or large the crime may be, as children we learn early to try to deflect punishment. If we have been raised in a dysfunctional family where we have lived in fear we learn many ways of trying to protect ourselves and these behaviours like lying, often continue as we mature into adulthood.

There are several different types of lying:

Direct Lying that is deliberately lying to either deflect punishment, or laying the blame at another’s door to punish them. “He did it”, “It’s all her fault”, “She’s to blame”, “It wasn’t me!”

There is also Passive Lying where we are scared of telling the truth because we might hurt someone else’s feelings or get them into trouble. Like telling someone we love them when we don’t, or saying it was our fault to protect a friend, or “You look fabulous in that dress” when you look like a tub of lard. Many salespeople use Passive Lying to sell us things we don’t need.

Another form of lying is called Exaggeration. This type of lying is falsifying the truth to make us look better than we feel or believe we are. This can take the form of exaggerating our skills on a job interview, trying to impress a new date, exaggerating to our friends at the pub, telling stories about the big fish that got away, or having sex with someone hot you didn’t. This form of exaggeration is called Bravado and includes bragging, boasting or stretching the truth.

The problem with most forms of lying is that at some level deep inside us (guilty conscience) we are always scared we will be found out and punished, or humiliated, laughed at or embarrassed. Lying can also cause us to feel diminished in a very subtle way. By this I mean that it seems that if we have to lie to make ourselves feel better, then we must believe ‘we are not good enough as we are’. This is called a ‘Hidden Agenda’, this feeling of ‘not-quite-rightness’ can make us feel bad about ourselves and is often the cause of low self-esteem.

Teenagers like to play the game of ‘Truth or Dare’ and some of us are so afraid of admitting the truth that we would rather do a horrible dare than admit the truth about something we feel so ashamed of. Sometimes we are desperate to be free of these lies or bad thoughts and might go to a therapist or confide in a best friend, but a lot of us are so ashamed and feel so guilty about these ‘awful secrets’ that we go to our graves full or remorse and regrets that we were never brave enough to admit them.

What might have started off as evasions, untruths or white lies, can gain momentum over time until sometimes even we do not know what the truth is. We lie so much that we become strangers to and hate ourselves for being weak and shameful.

When we tell a lie it becomes part of the ‘secret life of us’, the ‘unmentionable guilt or shame’. All these lies become beliefs stored in our subconscious. Rather like safety deposit boxes locked in a bank vault this secret stash of nasties is kept under lock and key, rarely to see the light of day!

We tell lies, both to ourselves and others to cover up what we believe to be the unsavoury parts of ourselves, we pretend to be what we are not, we say yes when we want to say no, we smile when we want to scream, we pretend we are OK when we are falling apart, we have sex when we don’t want it and we exaggerate our skills and talents because we can’t let others know how inferior we believe we are.

We can become such consummate liars that we can even look people in the eye and convince them we’re telling the truth. Unfortunately sometimes we become such seasoned liars, when we’ve run the story enough times, we even come to believe our own lies.

If you‘re ashamed to tell the truth, if you have problems being honest or find it difficult to tell fact from fiction, just buy a copy of our e-book; ‘Wealth- Beyond Belief’ for just $21.50 - which contains everything you need to know about ‘Emmote’ - and which you can download through our store - and start getting rid of your dishonesty beliefs RIGHT NOW!

If you would like to see if ‘Emmote’ is right for you, use our Contacts Form to write to us. You have nothing to lose but your guilt and shame!

 

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